New year, new you? Millions of us make (and subsequently break) a New Year’s Resolution in the first month of the year.
This magazine comes out mid-January, so chances are that as you’re reading this you’ve already broken your New Year’s Resolution – or at the very least, you’ve come close! Trawling the internet and interviewing random members of the public, I have a top ten of resolutions for you. They made the cut, either because they were mentioned so many times, or because they were pretty amusing. And of course, I have finished with one of our own.
1. I must not eat any more chocolate.
This is just utterly ridiculous. We must all eat chocolate. You will eat lots more chocolate. Fact.
2. I must answer the phone when my mother calls.
I loved this one. The man who declared it did so with such a flush of furtive guilt, that it was clear he feared discovery at any moment. She must be quite a woman.
3. I must go to the gym more.
Well, you won’t. You might for January, February, even perhaps March, but as soon as the weather picks up, and the world beckons, the urge to tramp five miles on a treadmill on a Saturday morning will fade and two words will bore into your consciousness: pub lunch.
4. I must hoover out my car every weekend.
I have a theory about this. There are people who hoover out their cars. There are people who do not. This is as predestined as your height, the month of your birth or whether you like Marmite.
5. I must save more.
Now, I think saving is a terrific idea – how else would my husband be able to afford to buy me that gorgeous pair of Kurt Geiger shoes I saw in the sales? Prudence is wisdom. And frequently, it is also brownie points.
6. I must keep my mobile phone charged and switched on.
Yes. You must. Just as you must keep petrol in your car and loo rolls in your bathroom.